“If you’re thinking that your spouse—not you—is the one who needs work, you’re likely suffering from a bad case of ignorance, with a secondary condition of selfishness.” – The Love Dare by Alex and Stephen Kendrick
Talk about a slap in the face. When I came across this quote this morning I had a visceral reaction. That is truth speak to the nth degree right there….. and it deserves a big reaction….like, BOOM, for instance!
It doesn’t feel good and it especially doesn’t feel natural to think like this. It is easy to think of the things I’d like my spouse to work on. It is easy to husband-bash when you’re out to dinner with your girlfriends. It is easy to say to yourself “well, if only he didn’t (fill in the blank here) then I would be more inclined to (initiate sex more often/not nag him all the time/etc.)”.
I vividly remember a time when a women’s event at church turned into husband-bashing at my table. I didn’t participate in it but, I didn’t know how to stop it either. But then, when there was a lull in conversation, I suddenly realized what I could do.
I talked about the truth. I bodly said: “I know my husband wants more sex. I am pretty sure most of your husband’s want the same thing, right?” Giggles, head nods, and “You know it, girl” exclamations went around the table.
I went on: “You know what I want? More romance, more one on one time, more togetherness. But I think this is a chicken or the egg situation. (What came first, the chicken or the egg?) Does more romance have to come before I initiate sex more often? Or, should I start initiating sex more often and see if it fuels more romance on his part?”
“If I want something (in this case: more romance) why am I not willing to put in the work (initiating sex even when I don’t FEEL like it) to make it happen?”
Ladies, let’s make a choice to stand up for our marriages by deciding today that we will not ever participate in husband-bashing. Not even a little bit. Not even when it’s funny.
My friends, could we put our “tit for tat” attitude aside and just initiate something we know our husbands would be over the moon about?
I’ll start….who’s with me?