So, it’s been a crazy couple of months. My friend Kelly and I started a social change group called #unitecloud to tackle some issues in our city.
Check us out on facebook here or on our website here. It has literally taken over my life for the past months and I am so happy that it has. Our city has grasped onto our movement like someone who reaches out for a life-saving device while drowning. Kelly and I thank God for His vision in this project and His continued protection as we are not the most popular people in town with some folks:)
Yet, I realize that #unitecloud is not why I’m here on this earth. Neither was worship leading. Or teaching. And, it’s not to be a mother or a wife. Those are all secondary callings.
My first calling is to open my heart to God. By opening my heart to Him, I can get a sense of His heartbeat.
If I tune myself to that heartbeat, I can begin to make out the things He loves. Our worship. When I choose patience with my kids. When we love our enemies.
If I continue hone in, I begin to see the things that break His heart. A desire for vengeance. A self-proclaimed righteousness that separates us from others. Fear.
When I am tuned into His heart, my heart desires the things He desires and my heart breaks for the reasons His heartbreaks.
Last night, at a community meeting, I experienced so much fear, self-proclaimed righteousness, and even a hint of desire for vengeance. I publicly pleaded with hundreds of people in my town to live at peace with their neighbors. And I specifically spoke to the Christians in the room, of which I knew there were many. Search your heart, I said. What would Jesus do? Who does He say He is? What were His actions in the bible? Where did He not act? How can we follow His example?
The crowd booed, jeered, and rolled their eyes. My heart didn’t break, though. No, it was already broken. I was ready for that reaction because I saw it coming. Fear is a horrible way to live.
I thank God that a woman came up to me at that meeting. She said she was so afraid. She has stage 4 cancer. She is afraid that Muslims are going to blow all of America up in 2 years, like the speaker had just said. She said she was considering giving up on her cancer fight and just dying so she didn’t have to live in fear anymore.
“I understand”, I said. “I am concerned for my children’s future too. Say, are you a Christian?”
“Yes”, she said hesitantly.
“Praise God!”, I said. “Can I pray for you?” She said I could, I gave her my e-mail address and asked her if we could go out for coffee.
“Yes, I’d like that” she said, holding back tears.
I pray that she e-mails me. I want to meet with her and tell her of the times that God has granted me His powerful peace in the midst of my dying baby, my rocky marriage, or my self-loathing.
He is just so darn faithful. His heart is steady. It beats for me. And for You.